Well, that’s it. I can pack it in as a reviewer. Nothing in my career as a writer will ever top the fact that today, I’m reviewing a record from a band called Goat Bong. I mean… c’mon. Fucking Goat Bong!? It’s so ridiculous that it’s actually amazing. The record in question is called Lamentation, Mourning and Woe. I’m probably stating the blatantly obvious here, but yes, this is a stoner metal record. An instrumental one at that, following in the footsteps of acts like Bongripper and Earthless. Those bands embody the stoner metal spirit, to the point where you can practically see the weed smoke billowing out of your speakers. Naming your band Goat Bong is only half the battle. Let’s hope the music actually lives up to what the name is attempting to invoke.
First, allow me to clarify that Goat Bong isn’t actually a band, but the solo project of one man that goes by the name of Dirty Mike. While the credits indicate that he had help from a few of his musician buddies, such as Devin Wilson from Black Jackal and Daniel Ramos from Womanthrower, Mike is still the mastermind behind this project is responsible from most of the instrumentation on this record.
The opening, “Ostium,” is quite an ominous sounding opener, one that might lead you to believe that you were about to listen to death metal track. What follows is a much more palatable track called “Eternal Sleep in Marble Orchards.” Of course, palatable in the sense that if you love sick 70s inspired riffs and keyboards, you’ll definitely dig this track.
“The Law of Club and Fang” and “Of Rooks and Ravens” are both headbangers. The Sabbath influences are undeniable. “Etemenanki” might be the most terrifying interlude I’ve ever heard, as it sounds like a satanic ritual being conducted while a goat can be heard yelling in the distance. Talk about metal-as-fuck. “Towers of Silence” follows along the same path as the rest of the record so far, with fantastic, melody-soaked riffs.
The last track is an outro titled “Exitus,” but preceding it is a phenomenal song titled “Into the Deadlights.” Mike shreds like a beast on this one, while the rhythm section keeps driving things forward.
Stoner metal is always nicely paired with a little sativa or indica (stating the obvious, I know), but Lamentation, Mourning and Woe is a record that I believe appeals to anyone that’s just a fan of kick-ass, riff-heavy music. Mr. Dirty Mike Alcala has outdone himself with this one. Now, stop reading, grab your bong and play this record at deafening volumes. Now that I’m done writing this review and can listen to the album as a fan, I plan on doing exactly that.
Written by Dominic Abate
*edited by Mike Milito