Ram Ones – Real Tree Camo


I love a band with a sense of humour. There are so many punk bands that take themselves too seriously, even though punk rock is one of the goofiest subgenres out there (next to black metal). The whole existence of Ram Ones (pronounced RAHM-WUNZ, not to be confused with the punk pioneers) is based on a joke, however, they don’t let the gimmick infiltrate the core of the music they play. The Cleveland, OH hardcore four-piece dropped their debut album Real Tree Camo earlier this summer. The album cover is completely black, either as an homage to Spinal Tap or simply out of pure laziness.

The opening track “Lie, Cheat, Steal (not the one by Run the Jewels)” cuts straight to the point: an undefeatable punk drumbeat, fast four-chord progressions, and nihilism belted at top volume. The tempo only slows down for the occasional breakdown, like in “The Reason (not the one by Hoobastank),” but songs rarely go over the two-minute mark.

Each song ends with the band talking to their imaginary audience: “Thanks, we’re Ram Ones.” By the fourth or fifth song, it becomes annoying but then becomes funny once again near the end of the album. The only way to revive a dead joke is to continue to kill it over and over again. The gag reaches its peak on the second-to-last track “Thanks, We’re RAM ONES,” only 16 seconds long. And yet they still felt the need to punctuate it with not one, but two “Thanks, we’re Ram Ones.”

It really sounds like the recording process was actually fun. There’s a lot of studio banter left on the recordings: hushed giggles, somebody yelling “we’re recording, asshole,” a false take of a gang vocal.

Ten tracks at less than fifteen minutes. It finishes so quickly, you’re forced to listen to it five times more. And you deserve it because no matter how awful this world can get, you need to be able to laugh as much as you can. Thanks, Ram Ones.

Written by Chris Aitkens
*edited by Danielle Kenedy

About Chris Aitkens 48 Articles
Chris Aitkens has been writing about music since the tender age of 16, getting his start writing reviews for Vermont-based zine Verbicide. More than a decade later, he has dedicated his life music. Having graduated from Concordia’s journalism program, he is now working graveyard shifts as a board operator at Virgin Radio, CJAD 800, and occasionally, CHOM. He also hosts his own radio show on CJLO 1690AM called Sewer Spewer, a weekly guide to Montreal’s punk and extreme metal scene. In the little free time that he has, Chris sings in a shitty punk band called Gutser, and from time to time, writes about horror movies for Nightmare On Film Street. None of these ventures have made Chris wealthy at all. In fact, he’s more broke than ever. But it’s all worth the sacrifice to live a life filled with art.

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